I'm feeling bad about my self this month. I think december is going to be my beautiful month as ever for this year. I already get amazingly experiences in 2013 but now december i am feeling worst. There is a sentence saying that the most rich people who are happy. I can't feel happy for this moment. I can't tell people easily why i can't be happy for this moment. I hide my feelings to a lot of people. I'm being introvert lately because i can't believe anyone except God and my self. I just tell to other people about what everything that universal and everyone can accept the condition. If it's not, i am not going to tell anybody about everything which i hide.
I feel fail for my mid test at my university. I slept for 3 hours and i failed. It's the worst feeling ever! I am not failing all the tests but some scores aren't worth my time. Like i really want to punch someone because i really hate my self. Yes, i am a perfectionist and so what? I love to see good scores and my own successful moment. It makes me want to be a better person in the future. I'm going to work my ass offfff harder than before. I don't want to act like i am the smartest girl ever because i believe there is a boomerang.
"IF YOU ACT LIKE YOU ARE SMART, IT'S GOING TO BE YOUR BOOMERANG SOMEDAY..."
I'm feeling like i am not a good daughter for my parents and not good enough in my family. Yes, i am over reacted because my journey and my scores decide my future. if you say it's not, you are wrong. If you are not smart and have nice attitudes, to search job when you are being an adult is a fucking difficult. In this country, everything is being judgmental. Ugly or pretty, skinny or fat, and white or black. It's so judgmental. It's freaking sucks sometime because i live in Indonesia in some way.
I know i live in the circle world because i believe sometime i can be happy and sometime i can feel worst. But i feel like i hate some people who make everything even worst. Like why you need tease me and be so proud if you get a great score bitch? You want to make other people down or what? See i am really perfectionist about my own self. I never bother everyone of being perfectionist cause sometime i can hate my own self why i fail in this not so bad ass condition.
Other thing, you know what the person who i believe for at least 3 months ,.. he is ignoring me! Like i already save my money to buy you a surprise and you fucked up. Even i ask you to go out, you are ignoring me like hell. WHY? So you get together with me because you have some other reasons. So stereotype! I am ending all of these. I'm being patient lately and waiting until 3 months to accept all these damn conditions.
I want to make everything to an end so i don't feel worst about my self.
First, i want to work my ass up harder than before and second, i am ending my commitment with him as a good friends or a good brother and sister, what ever it is. I want to be happy and i don't like people bother me to make me feel bad about my self!
PS : remember that sentence. DO NOT THINK THAT YOU ARE ONLY THE ONE WHO CAN DO THIS OR THAT, IT'S GOING TO BE YOUR OWN Boomerang someday!